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Blizzard of ’06

Wednesday, 02.15.2006 / 11:19 AM ET / News
Boston Bruins
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Blizzard of ’06
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God wasn’t the blizzard of ‘06 great?!

It was great that it came on a Sunday. Because, as we all know, if that had been on a Wednesday, Bostonians would have gone into a mad panic. From 495 and in, would have turned into one big parking lot. This brings me to my point. Driving around town today I noticed parking spots perfectly shoveled with lawn chairs in them. What a novel idea - use the snow as a reflector to make the February sun that much stronger!

I bet tonight there are people all over town with savage tans. For me, I would have just gone to the fake and bake, but these ingenious souls used good old-fashioned solar power, along with the super reflective power of the snow. Who knew it was this easy? I didn’t! I always thought the spots were saved for cars, but I guess not.

These highly educated Massholes are just being vain. Brilliant! I always knew we were smarter than those Yankee fans to the south. And just so you know, if you shoveled a spot and saved it with a lawn chair (even if you aren’t originally from Boston), you are now a Masshole. Congrats! It is what we all strive to be.

Now just get into your car and drive around yelling at every pedestrian because they are in your way. You know all they’re doing is messing up the flow of traffic anyway. Just aim for the biggest puddle and show them who is in charge. You deserve it. You shoveled hard! Let that poor schlep in the Brooks Brothers suit have it. He probably lives in the ’burbs and had his driveway plowed, or even worse, he might even have a heated driveway. Soak him!!!! And then drive away grinning. You know it would feel good.

But what makes it even better is when you get home. An even larger Masshole has parked in your spot and demolished your lawn chairs. I wonder if the car belongs to that schlep in the suit. You never know. After all, he is a Masshole too. God, I love it here!

By the way, what the hell was Apolo Anton Ohno thinking?
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